Thoughts

I can’t believe its been 3 weeks and 3 days since I gave birth to my son, Alexander James Prince. He blessed us on Monday January 4th, 2010 weighing 8lbs 1oz and 21.3” long. After many hours of labor, he arrived via a c-section at 4:11pm, which just happens to be my birthday!

The first two weeks were really rough for me. The hormones had me crying almost non-stop for anything and nothing. The emotions that a woman goes through after she gives birth are so intense and no one can ever prepare you for them. I had serious doubts that I could do this, raise a child. I had serious doubts if I had made the right decision about having a child, and I had intense anxiety about the nighttime. Thankfully, the hormones have leveled out and the emotions have calmed down. I still have my moments but I don’t breakdown in tears every night like I was.

Life with a newborn is not just a 24 hour job, it is the hardest job I have ever had. To have a little human being be totally dependant upon you for survival is unimaginable. He needs me to feed him, he needs me to change him, he needs me to hold him and comfort him and make him feel safe. And, unlike a 9-5 job where you can go home at the end of the day and put your feet up, there is no break from this job. If you are tired, or sick, or sleep deprived, it doesn’t matter – you still have to get up and make that bottle and feed the baby and make sure he burped and then change his diaper and then get him to go back to sleep – at 3:00am!

Don’t get me wrong, this whole experience is rewarding and amazing and truly magical, but there isn’t anything in the world that can prepare you for it. Raising a child as a single mother by choice is also challenging. I am thankful that I have my parents to help out with the feedings and the diapers, but at the end of the day, the responsibility lies all with me. It is my responsibility to make sure my son is fed and changed and happy, and that is a lot to take in. But I am learning, day by day, to appreciate the little things in life. Like when I stare into his eyes and I swear he can see me and then he gives a crooked half smile that I know is probably a result of gas or something. But in that moment, nothing else matters because I created this perfect little person who I fell in love with at first sight and will love with all my heart for the rest of my life.

3 Days And Counting.......

Today is December 28 and I am officially 3 days away from my due date. I have a doctor's appointment today at 1:00pm. As of my last doctor's appointment on Thursday 12/24 (Christmas Eve), I was 1cm dialated so I will be very curious to see if I have progressed in the past 4 days. I am definitely having pre-labor, or early labor signs and symptoms so I know it is imminent, I just don't know exactly when, which is so frusterating. The Braxton-Hicks contractions continue but have not gotten more intense, or regular, so I know they are not real labor pains. I have a feeling that my doctor will tell me I have progressed to at least 3cm today and she may even send me to the hospital. We'll see! This will probably be my past post until the little guy arrives so, off I go! Wish me luck!!!

15 days to go!

I've got about 15 days left (technically) and I am starting to feel like the time is almost upon me. It's a little harder to get around, it's a little harder to sleep at night, and it's a lot harder to get through a 9 hour work day. Carrying around the extra weight is starting to take its toll on my hips and the baby is getting stronger and when he moves around it's almost jolting. Oh, and eating is no longer pleasurable. I really enjoy food but since there is no where to put it anymore, it just sits in my stomach which is pushed up against my rib cage, and hangs around like a rock. I miss the feeling of actually being hungry. For the past week or so, I eat because I know that is what I am supposed to do at certain points throughout the day, but the actual feeling of "I'm hungry" doesn't happen all that often. Although, I find that no matter when I put food into my mouth, I never regret it. Strange huh? Oh, and the other thing that keeps happening is that I drop food all over my clothes because I can't get close enough to my plate to eat OVER my plate. So now I am just a messy eater! I can't wait to have my body back! :)

17 Days And Counting!

Wow, so my due date is now 17 days away and boy is it starting to get real! Technically, as of this past Friday 12/11, I am considered "full-term" and could go into labor at any moment. Mentally I am just not prepared for that so I hope the little guy decides to stay inside for a least another week. I'm still sleeping OK-ish. I get up to pee about every 2 hours but I can usually fall back to sleep within minutes. My hips are hurting a little more and I feel like he may have dropped into my pelvis, but then again, I don't really know what that feels like so I can't say with any certaintly. What I CAN say is that he is definitely getting stronger and bigger. When he moves around I swear it is like some huge alien is trying to claw its way out of my stomach. And when he stretches I feel him up under my rib cage, which isn't the most pleasant of feelings. Physically, I am coping and mentally, I am getting there. I have almost everything I need for his arrive except a stroller for NY and a video monitor for NY. But I still have time to get those things and I am not worried. The countdown continues...

20 Days to Go!

I just came from my latest doctor's appointment and things are going perfectly. The baby is in position (head down), he weighs about 6.5 to 7 lbs, my blood pressure and urine are fine and I've gained approximately 29 pounds. My cervix is not softened and I am not dialated at all so he is not ready to enter the world just yet, but that's good because I still need a few more weeks. She did a sonogram to confirm the position and I saw his perfectly shaped, little round head and thought to myself "poor thing's going to be all cone-shaped in a few weeks!" So sad!

21 Days to Go and the Water Retention Begins!

I am exactly 3 weeks away from my due date and the water retention has begun. But only in my hands (so far). I usually drink about 32 oz of water a day but today I've been so thirsty that I have finished nearly double that, and I am not peeing, but my hands are swollen. I haven't eaten anything especially salty today but my fingers are like little pork sausages. Could this be the beginning signs? I certainly hope not as I need at LEAST 1 more week until he makes his arrival. However, as of tomorrow, 12/11, I am 37 weeks and considered full term. So that is comforting because I know that if he were to come at any point after tomorrow, there is a 99% chance that he will be perfectly healthy. But I am not hoping he comes early. I am hoping he decides to enter the world somewhere around 12/26 or 12/27. I guess we'll see!

24 Days and Counting

As of this coming Friday, December 11th, I will be considered full term - 37 weeks. I can't believe time is going by so quickly. It seems like forever ago that I got the wonderful news that my IVF worked and the thought of growing a child over several seasons, seemed like an eternity. I think it must be because the holidays are right around the corner and December always goes by so quickly that I am feeling the quick passage of time. Emotionally and physically, I am ready to bring this child into the world but psychologically I am getting a little anxious. I think the whole notion of having another person completely dependant on you is a little overwhelming, and I am sure I can handle it, but if I stop to think about it long enough, it is a little intimidating. But I will take things day-by-day and I know it will all work out. I have a great support system in place and everyone is eagerly anticipating the arrival of Baby Prince!