Thoughts

I can’t believe its been 3 weeks and 3 days since I gave birth to my son, Alexander James Prince. He blessed us on Monday January 4th, 2010 weighing 8lbs 1oz and 21.3” long. After many hours of labor, he arrived via a c-section at 4:11pm, which just happens to be my birthday!

The first two weeks were really rough for me. The hormones had me crying almost non-stop for anything and nothing. The emotions that a woman goes through after she gives birth are so intense and no one can ever prepare you for them. I had serious doubts that I could do this, raise a child. I had serious doubts if I had made the right decision about having a child, and I had intense anxiety about the nighttime. Thankfully, the hormones have leveled out and the emotions have calmed down. I still have my moments but I don’t breakdown in tears every night like I was.

Life with a newborn is not just a 24 hour job, it is the hardest job I have ever had. To have a little human being be totally dependant upon you for survival is unimaginable. He needs me to feed him, he needs me to change him, he needs me to hold him and comfort him and make him feel safe. And, unlike a 9-5 job where you can go home at the end of the day and put your feet up, there is no break from this job. If you are tired, or sick, or sleep deprived, it doesn’t matter – you still have to get up and make that bottle and feed the baby and make sure he burped and then change his diaper and then get him to go back to sleep – at 3:00am!

Don’t get me wrong, this whole experience is rewarding and amazing and truly magical, but there isn’t anything in the world that can prepare you for it. Raising a child as a single mother by choice is also challenging. I am thankful that I have my parents to help out with the feedings and the diapers, but at the end of the day, the responsibility lies all with me. It is my responsibility to make sure my son is fed and changed and happy, and that is a lot to take in. But I am learning, day by day, to appreciate the little things in life. Like when I stare into his eyes and I swear he can see me and then he gives a crooked half smile that I know is probably a result of gas or something. But in that moment, nothing else matters because I created this perfect little person who I fell in love with at first sight and will love with all my heart for the rest of my life.